One Thing I’m Afraid to Lose
If I lose you, I lose my smile. I lose the brightness in my eyes. I lose the one thing that I love the most of my life, my happiness. Yes, this is the one most special thing that I am afraid to lose. Everyone is afraid of losing something; a loved one, a job, their reputation, sanity, safety, peace, hope or perhaps we are afraid of something being taken from us; the anxiety is the same regardless of how this one or more precious thing is wrenched from our grasp. I know in a psychical level everybody survives without happiness. And I also know that there is not necessarily important a person should be happy all the time. But for me it is everything. That is why this is the one thing that I am afraid to lose; my happiness. Because once you lose it, it is difficult to regain.
If someone bases his happiness or unhappiness on major events like a great new job, a huge amount of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, or something else on the just superficial level then I think that person is not going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, a sip of coffee, or maybe wine, flowers in the yard, your favorite drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.
I do not have many friends. I always prefer to stay with fewer friends circle or alone. I like being alone listening to music in my own world. The best part about being alone is that you do not have to answer to anybody. But sometimes when I feel lonely or need a short break from daily activities I usually sit single doing nothing and listen to my favorite music. And sometimes I go to my most-liked place.
I used to go there every weekend for a reason or for no reason at all. I knew that I had to be there to forget who I am, to breathe and re-feed myself with hope. That was the only place I could go dancing, sing, or cry. That place was a part of me. The wind was part of my breath, the leaves were part of my songs, the flowers were part of my purities and the trees were my friends that I used to hug every time when I got there. I used to go there even in winter to play with clean snow. Trees had branches full of white, heavy snow. The flowers, the birds, the grass were gone, also the rock I used to sit on was hard to be found, but it was still peaceful, quiet and especially clean. The snow angels I made kept watching over this natural splendor. It means a lot to me. This place may be beautiful just in my mind, but it was one of the few friends I had. It’s Rani Pokhari, but I named it for myself is Queen’s Lake.
Feb 7 was a Friday. Friday is the best day of the week, at least for me. I get that good feeling as soon as I wake up on a Friday morning and I have a spring in my step. The “Friday feeling” I think it is the anticipation of the weekend or just knowing you have a few days to rest if you are a Mon-Fri worker like me. Since it was a Friday, me, along with my three friends plans to go out where we frequently go. For a weekend party, of course. She was ready, I was ready, and the other two were waiting for us already near the Lake. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes weep, sometimes we tease each other and sometimes we just sit by seeing one another, not even a word, kind of meditating mood. We were different in a sense that, we had known each other just a few weeks ago and we became so close in such a short period of time. We meet every Fridays, though we had just spent a few Fridays together.
One day in the evening we were having our dearly beloved black coffee together at Queen’s Lake, which is just a few minutes away from our home. The beautiful trees, sweet gentle breeze, symphonious ripples on the lake and various beautiful birds make it an ideal place to remain close to nature, think about ourselves without any disturbance, relax our mind and get away from the monotonous city life. We usually discuss so many things, about books, movies, songs, our affairs, everything. “What is one thing that you are most afraid of losing in your life?” Laxmi asked Pooja, “My loved ones, of course,”Pooja replied immediately. Yeah, another girl agreed with her and says “It is very difficult to even imagine losing the person you wanted to stay forever in your life, like your parents, your dear ones, or whoever that you love the most. One tends to be stuck in that ‘what if’ situations.” She further says “Not only for me but for any person until he is a beast like a cannibal human, it is going to be tough to get out of such a hypothetical situation. Isn’t it?” She looked at me “yeah perhaps,” I replied.
Though I did not tell anything at that moment, I have been contemplating myself. Is there should be only the persons that you love the most or there might be some things, for instance, your happiness? Why not? Basically, in our life, we search for our happiness in one way or the other, in one person or another. We search for happiness. Happiness for me is really important. I am so fond of my happiness, I am afraid to lose it. Yes, happiness should be the answer to her question. Hey “what happened?” she asked, nothing I was thinking something. I said. Let’s wrap up Pooja said, I got a call from my loved ones lets go. Everybody laugh.
I don’t know why but I literally had that question in my mind for so many days. What is that one thing that I am afraid to lose? What is it that most of us are seeking? What is it that each one of us wants? Especially in this restless world, where everybody is trying to find some kind of peace, some kind of happiness, surely it is important to find out. Probably most of us are seeking some kind of happiness. Most of us are seeking some happiness some kind of peace in a war that is ridden with turmoil, wars, the contention we want to refuse where there can be some peace. I think that is what most of us want. One day I got a chance to join a seminar, where I heard one story. It was an about two hours seminar, which was conducted by Margastha Family. And I was informed by Miss Karuna, one of the owners of the company. That was Saturday I had some leisure time and I have had the privileged to take part. It was extremely beneficial, at least for me. That story is about Three Chinese mystics. I was really shocked and from that day my perception towards life and happiness is completely changed. The story always comes to my mind when I have some problems or some issues with life and my happiness.
That is there are three Chinese mystics. Nobody knows their names. They were known only as the ‘three laughing saints’ because they never did anything else; they simply laughed. They moved from one town to another, laughing and they would stand in the marketplace and have a good belly laugh. The whole marketplace would surround them. These three people were really beautiful laughing and their bellies waving. And then it would become an infection and others would start laughing. Then the whole marketplace would laugh they had changed the quality of the marketplace. And if somebody would say, “Say something to us,” they would say “we have nothing to say. We simply laugh and change the quality.” When just a few moments before, it was an ugly place where people were thinking only of money hankering for money, greedy, money the only milieu around – suddenly these three mad people came and they laughed, and changed the quality of the whole marketplace. Now nobody was a customer. Now they had forgotten that they had come to purchase and sell. Nobody bothered about greed. They were laughing and they were dancing around these three mad people. For a few seconds, a new world opened.
They moved all over China, from place to place, from village to village, just helping people to laugh. Sad, angry, greedy, and jealous people; they all started laughing with them. Then, in one village it happened that one of the three died. Village people gathered and they said, “now there will be trouble, now we have to see how they laugh. Their friend has died; they must weep.” But when they came, the two were dancing, laughing, and celebrating the death. The village people said, “now this is too much. This is unmannerly. When a man is dead it is profane to laugh and dance.” They said,” you do not know what has happened. All three of us were always thinking of who was going to die first. This man has won; we are defeated. The whole life we laughed with him. How can we give him the last send-off with anything else? We have to laugh, we have to be happy, we have to enjoy, and we have to celebrate. This is the only farewell that is possible for the man who has laughed his whole life.
After heard this story I really moved because I never thought like that. Tough that story is not particularly about only happiness, I personally feel that if someone can take life and death is a natural process and if somebody can laugh and celebrate death as birth that person might be the happiest person in the world. That is why I can relate that story to happiness. Sometimes just a small story changed your whole life. Now I am happy and try to laugh not just outwardly but in an inner way. Now I laugh consciously because there is no way. I fully enjoy my life full of excitement. The experience is more than simply an experience. It is transformational. It connects you with your inner core and it allows you to be strong in the face of fear. It gives you courage and is such a positive tool that you want to share the experience with loved ones. Happiness is the ultimate end of humanity, as everything humans do is done in order to obtain it, and it is gained via the achievement of full excellence of the soul. Now I call my life myself is a happy journey.
My life is my journey. The happiness journey has allowed me to choose how to define myself in this life. I am no longer searching for anything but living. And I look forward to each day’s growth with the knowledge. I once heard that “Your life is God’s gift to you, so you should take care of it very carefully.” The life full of happiness is beautiful. That is why I try to be happy no matter what. The meaning of happiness for me is contentment and satisfaction. I personally believe, true long-lasting happiness comes from life experiences and feelings of purpose, which definitely comes only when you are happy from inside.